i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
