currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize