I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
