if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
