we're blogging at a bar
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
