When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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