I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
