some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bring money and cleavage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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