i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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