hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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