Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
