Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
