At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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