if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
