i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
