why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
