this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
