I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
