I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
