Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize