I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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