I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I AM VODKA MAN
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
