ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
