My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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