it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
