Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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