What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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