Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
