True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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