in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
