i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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