I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
