The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
