hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they're like a gay fantastic four
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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