my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
