My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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