Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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