how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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