haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
