I can't breathe out the right side of my face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
smell my finger.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
