dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
nutella sex= disaster
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
