I hate your face
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
