but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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