whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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