your room smells of hookers.
And success
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
