New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
