and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
