If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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