How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
