so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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