Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
