ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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