we have officially lost it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it penis luge time yet?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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