I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
