well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
