I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
