im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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