Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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