i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
don't judge my taste in strippers
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize