nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
