well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
