All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
