Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
