My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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