Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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