I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
