Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
