I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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