Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
